Tips for a healthy relationship

How do you know if your relationship is healthy or abusive...

Whether you are a young person or an older person, it's important to evaluate whether your relationship continues to be safe and respectful.

A healthy relationship:

• involves two people who feel good about themselves and each other
• is a friendship - not just a physical relationship
• accepts the need for privacy on both sides
• acknowledges that not all experiences and interests need to be shared
• allows for differences of opinion
• does not make unrealistic demands on either partner
• allows for equal sharing of power and control
• is basically calm - not chaotic
• should be fun and enjoyable.

Know yourself

Healthy relationships allow you time and space to maintain your own life and time to pursue you own interests, as well as enjoying the time you spend together.

Know your rights

Adult domestic relationships should be based on mutual respect. In any adult relationship there will sometimes be at times disagreements and even power struggles about who is right and who makes decisions but overall you look at your relationship overall, you have the right to expect to be equals in the relationship. This includes decisions about finances, who you talk to, what you wear, whether and where you work and the expression of your beliefs. If the other person always makes decisions about these or other things then this could a warning sign of someone who wants to have power and control over you.

You also have the right to:

• express your opinions and have them respected (even if your partner does not agree with you)
• take the relationship at your own pace
• have your feelings about any sexual activities respected and accepted
• have your physical and emotional needs treated as equally important to your partner
• not be physically, sexually, financially, verbally or emotionally abused.

Know the warning signs

There are signs that may indicate and abusive relationship. Keep an eye out for warning signs:

Control - when your partner:

• wants to know everything you do and constantly checks up on you
• will not allow you to make your own decisions
• threatens or forces you to do things against your will.

Jealousy and isolation - when your partner:

• cuts you off from your friends or family
• reacts negatively to normal behaviour
• causes trouble because you talk to other people
• displays a lack of respect towards you and makes you feel put down or uncomfortable
• use or threatens violence and/or abuse to achieve a desired outcome.

Trust your instincts. You may be the best judge of your own safety. There is support and help available.