Living with babies
Your baby's needs | Crying | Sleeping | Bathing your baby | Teeth and teething | Immunisation | Discipline | Play | Feelings | What parents can do
Your baby's needs
Your baby needs to be kept clean, comfortable, warm and fed. They need to sleep when they are tired, be fed when they are hungry and have someone to play with them and cuddle them when awake.
- They need you to talk to them about what you are doing as you change, wash and feed them.
- They need you to hold and stroke them.
- They need to learn to know what is happening in their world through you talking to them. Tell them what you are doing - that you are going to pick them up, change their nappy, feed them or put them to bed.
- They need to be starting to learn that they can do things, very simple things at first like making a noise when they hit a rattle.
- If you think they are fun and enjoyable and you show it, they will learn to feel good about themselves.
- If you enjoy feeds and spend time talking to them and playing with them they will be starting to learn to enjoy being with people.
Your baby is learning lots of things from you at this early age. You need to learn the little signs that show what they need and to answer them.
Crying
Crying is very important for babies. Because they are so helpless, crying is the only way babies know how to get their needs met. Babies cry to make sure they survive.
- Babies do not know how others might feel at the sound of their crying - they only know they are miserable.
Some reasons babies cry are:
- being hungry or thirsty
- being too hot or too cold
- needing comfort
- not being well
- needing a nappy change
- having pain
- being frightened or lonely.
Babies under six months old cry because they need something, but they don't know what they need.
If you attend to your babies' needs when they cry, they will learn that the world is a safe and friendly place to be, so as they get older they will cry less. You can try different things to find out what makes your baby feel better.
You can help by:
- making sure your baby is not hungry or uncomfortable
- picking up your baby and holding them close curled in your arms if they are frightened or lonely
- holding your baby upright against your shoulder
- rocking or pushing the stroller over a little bump
- finding out what your baby seems to like
- watching for what happens when your baby is more settled and learning to know what their needs are
Some babies are helped by a dummy and some like music or sounds like a clock ticking. Babies over six months or so may cry from being uncomfortable or hungry, or because they remember you when you are not there and they know how important you are to them.
They gradually learn that you are there for them and you won't leave them for long, so they start to feel safe when you are not there; but this takes time. Often babies at this age wake at night or are harder to put to bed because they miss you and they don't yet understand that you always come back.
You can help by:
- always letting them know when you leave them - wave goodbye - and let them know when you return
- playing little games such as peek-a-boo to help them get used to your going and coming
- leaving them only with people they know well and feel safe with
- putting a bed in their room or putting their cot in your room if you need to get some sleep as well.
Babies need someone to play with them.Sleeping
The amount of sleep babies need varies a great deal between babies. It gets less as the baby grows. Some babies sleep better where it is very quiet, others seem to settle best with ordinary household sounds around. Some babies sleep better if they are wrapped in a sheet, others like their arms loose.
Using a little routine when you are putting your baby down will help your baby to learn about going to sleep. As he/she gets older you might try something like a little song (or prayer), kiss everyone goodnight, find the dummy (if they have one) and then a special kiss from you.
Safe sleeping
- You must control your baby's sleeping situations; babies and young children are not able to control their own. They cannot understand danger and may not be able to move out of a dangerous situation.
- It is important that babies sleep on their backs and do not have their heads covered.
- Make sure that your baby's head is not able to slide under the bedclothes or get trapped against the head of the cot.
- Look for the Australian Standards label when buying a cot.
- Do not let your baby sleep on a waterbed or bean bag.
- Remember babies like to play with anything within their reach. Place the cot away from heaters, power points, lights, hanging mobiles, curtain cords.
- Use only light bedding to avoid overheating. Pillows are not necessary for babies.
- Make the bed so your baby's feet reach the bottom of the cot. Then the bedclothes are not so likely to cover your baby's head.
- Large toys and pets can smother. Check that pets cannot get into the room.
- Do not smoke in the same room as your baby, as the cigarette smoke is harmful to babies.
Bathing your baby
It isn't necessary to bath your baby every day if they don't like it. You can wash baby's face and bottom when you need to without giving them a bath.
Find out the time when your baby enjoys a bath most. It is usually not when they are very hungry. They will probably enjoy it most when they are calm after a feed. Between feeds at a time when your baby is unsettled, a bath may help them feel better and help them to go off to sleep.
Teeth and teething
- If your baby has pain with teething you can give them something firm to bite on (for example: cold teething ring or dummy). Rusks can be useful. If there is a lot of pain, a teething gel may help.
- Some babies prefer mushy food while teething because it needs less chewing; others prefer something to chew.
- Your baby's teeth can be damaged by sucking on a bottle of milk or sweet drink for long periods. This can cause early tooth decay. In between feeds try cool water in the bottle or a dummy without any sweetener on it. It is best not to put babies to sleep with a bottle.
- You can clean your baby's teeth gently with a soft cloth.
Immunisation
Immunisation is an important way to protect babies from some very serious illnesses. Find out about immunisation to help protect your baby from infectious diseases. Ask your doctor or child health nurse. The first immunisations are due when your baby is two months old.
Discipline
Discipline is about teaching and there are lots of things you can teach babies as you care for them. Punishment is not useful for babies because they don't understand it and it is likely to make them afraid of you when they need to be learning to trust you.
After they are six months or so you can say 'No' and give a simple explanation when your baby is doing something wrong. For example: 'No - that hurts'. But don't expect your baby to be able to really learn for many months yet.
It is very important not to shake a baby because it can cause brain damage. If you are feeling very angry, put your baby somewhere safe and take a short break until you can get back in control of your feelings.
Play
Babies enjoy little games with parents from the time they are very young and these games help them to learn about the world. Some games include:
- simple little songs and rhymes while you rock or gently jiggle your baby on your knee
- brightly coloured mobiles that move in the breeze for your baby to look at; these can be made by hanging coloured shapes or soft toys from a coat hanger and changing them from time to time
- a walk outside in the stroller to look at leaves or grasses moving
- time on the floor on the tummy to kick (always supervised)
- gentle stroking or touching games (with rhymes)
- things that they can hit or push that make a noise.
Remember not to play 'rough' games with babies such as throwing them up in the air, lifting or pulling them by an arm or playing loud music. These actions can really hurt your baby.
Feelings
- Many new parents feel very happy about the changes in their lives. There can also be some less happy feelings that sometimes you don't think you should have.
- Some parents may be disappointed in the sex of the baby or resentful if they weren't wanting another child.
- It can be hard coming to grips with things you weren't prepared for such as a premature baby, a baby with a disability or a multiple birth.
- It can be very upsetting to have your baby crying and not be able to stop it - sometimes so upsetting that you feel like hurting your baby or just leaving.
- It can be a worry that there isn't much time to keep your home tidy or, if you have a partner, to enjoy time together as a couple.
- Sometimes fathers feel shut out or even jealous because all the mother's attention seems to be going to the baby.
- Parents may worry about how they will be able to afford all the extra costs that come with having a child.
- Often new mothers feel a bit 'down' and weepy. Many women have this 'let down' feeling after the enormous physical and emotional experience of having a baby. This is usually temporary - make sure you get as much rest as you can, take care of yourself and ask for support.
- If any of these feelings are worrying you it is important to talk about them with your partner, a close friend or your doctor. Remember you are not the only parent with these feelings.
What parents can do
- All new parents need support and if you are parenting on your own this is even more important. Don't be ashamed to say yes when anyone offers to help you.
- Make sure you take some time out for yourself and to do some things with your partner or a friend.
- If you feel desperate when your baby is crying, make sure they are safe and then leave the room for a short time until you feel better, play some music, make a cup of tea, ring someone who understands. You may find putting your baby in a stroller and walking out in the fresh air helps. Know yourself - do whatever helps you to feel less stressed.
- If you find you are feeling 'down' and irritable most of the time, talk it over with your doctor, someone at your local community health centre or a person you trust.
- Don't be too proud to ask for information or advice. All parents at some stage find parenting difficult. It is not a sign of failure. Everyone needs help sometimes and having a new baby is one of those times.
Last updated: 20 June 2008.